Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Feeding picky jerks vegan food

Let me walk you through a timeline of dinner at my house:

4:00-the natives start to get restless, what's for dinner?
4:15-ingredients assembled, preparation begins
4:20-boiling, chopping, sauteing and measuring all being done while simultaneously keeping Mini out of the fridge (which she always violently protests), keeping Mini away from the oven, cleaning up pasta shells Mini has dumped onto the floor, rescuing playdough from Mini's mouth and trying to have a rousing debate with Biggest about why now is not the time for snack.
4:30-Pingu saves the day
4:33-Biggest takes up where we left off about negotiating for snacks
4:35-Settling for a glass of rice milk, Biggest now takes up a petition for the family to play Super Mario brothers together. Melts down when dinner preparation wins. Glass goes zooming across the kitchen and shatters. Clean up said glass while Mini tries to dance in the shards.
4:40-Turn off oven timer and instead program in a time out
4:45-Forget about oven items while talking to Biggest about why he had a time out
4:50-Oven treats burn. Rescue Mini from imminent death(she's jumping on the top bunk because the door was left open to their room).
4:55-Dinner's ready. Shut up and eat.
5:00-Mini may be a jerk, but girlfriend knows how to eat. She shovels it in while Biggest complains that it's too hot/cold/brown/cooked/not plain bread

I'm going to tell you a little secret, kids are assholes at meal times (and bedtime for that matter). One second they are dying of hunger, the next they could starve you out for weeks. Vegan kids are no different (though I do feel that my children's palate is probably more keen on dark leafy greens than most omniorious adults). Nothing pisses me off more than spending and hour in the kitchen to have them refuse to touch it. A few of Biggest and Mini's current no fail favorites:

1. Garlic bread. Whole wheat toast, earth balance buttery spread, dehydrated garlic powder and nutritional yeast. Bam, breakfast is served.

2. Smoothies! I'll save my secret smoothie recipe for another post-but biggest chooses two fruits and two vegetables. 60% of the time, it works every time.

3. Tortillas. Put anything in them, or nothing.

4. A loaf of bread/plain bagel. Carbs carb carb carb carbs! Who doesn't love carbs, and lots of em? Ask any 4 year old.

5. Mini loves soups of all sorts, Biggest is indifferent.

I'll end with a magical, life changing, super delicious, can never make enough, family favorite recipe. For hummus. That tastes like pizza.

Pizza Hummus
Servings: Never enough

1 can (or 1.5 cups cooked) chickpeas
3 cloves garlic (or less if you're wimpy)
2 tbs-1/4 cup olive oil
juice of a lemon
1/4-1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp cumin
1/4 cup sun dried tomatoes, soaked in warm water for about 15 minutes to soften
1 tbs dried oregano
1 tbs dried basil

Rinse your chickpeas if using canned variety. Add all ingredients to food processor(start with smallest amount of olive oil, and drizzle in until you get your desired consistency) and process until smooth. Salt with smallest amount first, then taste and readjust as necessary. Next, drain the water off of your sundried tomatoes, add them and your spices. Blend again-Bam! Dinner is served. Pictured with roasted veggies, and pita (to roast, oven at 400-450c, a little olive oil, a little salt, keep your eye on them until brown!)

I served it with a fruit salad. The syrup is made of equal parts flax oil (for omega fats) and maple syrup. Dinner FTW! Now if I could just find guest that wear pants to the table....


  1. Ba ha ha... LOVE THIS! I want to make the pizza hummus... Abs would go bonkers for it. I'm so glad someone else lovingly calls their children a-holes and such.

  2. Lol.

    "60% of the time, it works every time."

    Motherhood has definitely affected your math skills. :p

  3. Haa! Have you ever seen the movie "Anchorman" with Will Ferrell? It's pretty much a favorite, and he says that when talking about Sex Panther cologne. I know, I'm so cool.

  4. LOL! I forgot all about that. You so funny girl.

  5. FAIL. Brian Fantana (Paul Rudd) says that. WHO'S COOL NOW SUCKA?? :)

    Seriously though, I am super happy that someone else calls their kids assholes. I mean, not to their face or anything, but they so totally are!!